The Epic Blog of Sarthak Goyal

22 July 2010.

A year and week before, on 16^th July 2009 I had the first taste of college life. Like most of the fuchaas (for those whose white hairs have started showing, fuchaas means college freshers ie the first year students), I was excited, having loads of expectations and at the same time nervous too. The college atmosphere was completely new to me. I remember how frustrated I was when no teachers were showing up for the lectures and being among new people, I had no clue what to do. Day 1 was so damm boring. It was so peculiar looking at seniors sitting around at various corners of the college or at metro station, or the teachers being so casual in their approach. It took me some time to adjust to the freedom that college life provides.

But today, it was completely different- I was no more a fachaa! On the first day of the II year, there wasn’t any expectation or nervousness, just some excitement of meeting up friends. Looking at the new freshers, I realized how much things have changed and it kinda made me laugh. I mean how they were all so properly dressed up, taking their each step with so much care. It’s going to take them few days to realize college is actually about being carefree. Nobody cares what you do or how you do. Its all about just being yourself. And they will realize it soon.

I came to college with full knowledge that there is not going to be any lecture, (afterall they are the teachers of Delhi University) but freshers, well they were just sitting in their classes waiting for anything to happen. You may infer that its because of the fear of ragging that they are not moving out. But in actual they don’t know what to do. (The most important thing that they will learn, and which I also did, a year ago is- How to do NOTHING). Infect, this is the very purpose (ie to do nothing) for which I went to college today.

At around 10, I reached the vishvidyalaya metro station. Apart from newly laid down footpath (thanks to Common wealth Games), everything was same- people running for the escalator, line on the exit, hoard of rikshewallas outside the station and of course, the hot chics! At college though, there were significant changes (again thanks to the Common wealth Funds which college received), the main entrance has been shifted, there was new administration and staff block, the canteen area was blocked, construction work was going everywhere and most significantly, there were ACs in our rooms (though I doubt if they will work).

Even at 10, there were only 2-3 of my classmates. (But I am sure, most of the freshers would have been sitting in their rooms right from 8:40!). Gradually others also arrived and for next three hours we did what we have mastered in doing during the first year- We did nothing! We roamed around from one place to another (the same way one surf the channels of TV!). We were sitting at the same place, often referred as “Jannat”, where we used to see our seniors sitting. And some freshers would pass from front of us, so anxious and perplexed. Then we had Maggie and Banta from the Maggie Point (I really don’t know what makes these two things so popular in north campus)

For fuchaas, this might be such a special day but for us, it was just another day at college minus the smsing and sleeping sessions (yes, that’s what a normal college person does during lectures!). In the next few days, they will learn so many things, like how important is the word attendance, how to use your cell during lectures, how to make excuses for being late, how to live with freedom and how not to be displaced from your career goal. (Actually, this is the time of the life to enjoy the most but this is also the most crucial time to make or break your career).

For us, the ex-freshers, the second year will hopefully make us more familiar with college life, with us finding more ways of doing Nothing!!

Disclaimer: The above mentioned views are purely of mine. Individual experiences may vary!

P.S.: Talking about ragging, I think with so much vigilance over it, in next few years the word ragging will be even stroked off from dictionary.

The super king of cricket has found his queen. Mahendra Singh Dhoni is now married to Sakshi Rawat. Bored with the naxalites attacks and inflating prices, this was some "real" news for our news channels.

Star News Exclusive: Ye wahi rikshaw hai jisme Dhoni aur Sakshi saath mein ghuma karte the.  (Rikshaw?? Where the hell are Dhoni's 22 bikes!!)

Dhoni aur Sakshi bachpan ke dost the aur aaj ye bachpan ke dost saat janamo ke saathi banane jaa rhe hai!! (bachpan ke dost?? They have an eight years age gap!! Which 12year old guy would have a 4year friend??)

Kya majboori thi Dhoni ki jo unhe aise achanak, chhup ke shaadi karni padi?? (u wanted Dhoni to give media time to find an 'aayesha siddique' for him too?)

Hazaaron ladkiyon ka dil todd Sakshi ke huye Mahi! (Now the girls would have realized what we guys felt on 12th April 2010 when Sania Mirza got married!)

Hindustantimes reports Dhoni's bride age 23 on page one and 21 on HTCITY --- intesresting.

What's next? Aajtak interviewing the Ghodi on which Mahi arrived!!

Even the source of 90% news ie Twitter is going crazy on Dhoni's marriage. Here are some of the best tweets

Sunilea: Dhoni will be happy .. Kal shaadi .. Aaj Bharat band .. Hum tumek kamre me band ho aur Bharat band ho ..

creatitwitty: Sakshi’s wedded name will be SMS Dhoni. Aircel, see a business idea there?

Is bharat Bandh in honor of MS Dhoni’s wedding?

rameshsrivats: Today’s news highlights – Dhoni’s Bandhgala and BJP’s Gala Bandh.

ACP Pradyuman :Muje dhoni ke Shaadi me kuch gadbad lagtha hai. "Daya" Dhoni ke bed room ka darwaaza thod do

d_v_patel : A positive effect of the Bharat Bandh is that news channels won't beam the same marriage pics of Dhoni again and again

So Dhoni met his wife in 2007. The same year he took his shirt off to expose a waxed chest after winning the t20 WC. Makes sense now...

Apart from this, you have from Bipasha to Sachin wishing him on Twitter. But I cant understand why are they congratulating through twitter when Mahi is actually not on twitter!

Enough mockery of Dhoni's marriage. Lets just hope their kids get to play with the World cup trophy!!

For details on any of the subject matter mentioned above, you can leave a comment down here.

Previous year Balance Sheet: Click Here

If you are a football fan, read it to get a bite of reality. If you are a cricket fan, read it to be proud on cricket.

Most people would believe that football is far more superior game than cricket. It might beat cricket when it comes to the size of the ball, but in other areas.. think again!

1. Even the shortest version of cricket is twice as longer than any football match, thus providing entertainment for longer duration of time!

2. In football, for 90minutes you wait and wait for a goal which may or may not happen. But in cricket there is some action-a six, four, bowled, run out- on virtually every ball. Thus, providing more reasons to cheer!

3. Football provides just one time slot (ie half time) for advertisers, while in cricket there are atleast 40 time slots (in T20 format). And then, if its IPL you can have ads in between deliveries also. Thus, making it more commercially viable!

4. In football, for majority of the time you are shown just one camera angle. But in cricket, broadcasting is a challenge! You need cameras in every corner of the ground, you require technologies like hawk-eye, speedometer, snicko-meter, zoomer, hotspot. Thus making cricket more technologically advance!

5.All commentator do in a football match "Kaka.. Kaka to ronadinho, to giberto, passes it to Julio...". (Thanks, vuvuzella, now they are not required to do even this much!). While in cricket, you have to  analyze each and every delivery or if its IPL, tell the whole world about the MRF blimp hanging in the sky. Thus, making the job of commentators tougher and more professional!

6. Cricketers get full clothes to wear along with safety gears like helmet, pads, ell guard, chest guard. While footballers only get a small nicker to wear. Thus clearly showing that cricketers are richer and very well fed!

7. In terms of weekly salary to players, IPL is ranked No.2 in the world after NBA, while EPL is at 4. Again showing cricketers are richer than footballers!

8. Talking about popularity, here is some stats- Total population of 32nations participating in football: 1541millions. Population of just 3 cricket frantic nations (India, Pakistan, Bangladesh): 1572millions. Clearly, cricket is popular among more people!

9. The word "football" is not even recognized worldwide (in USA, football means rugby!) while there no such confusion with cricket.

10. Football doesn't enjoy the privilege of three different formats.

11. Nobody would disagree on this. Cricket is by far the gentlest of gentlemen's game when compared with football.

That was a desperate attempt of cricket fan to put cricket is the same league as football. But we all know what the reality is. Cricket is still a sport played by handful of nations. The revenue generated by ManU alone is more than total revenue of all IPL teams multiplied by 10. Even in its religious hub India, the capacity-wise largest stadium is not of cricket, but of football.

One could only hope that one day cricket would beat football! For the time being, Kookuburra is too small in comparison with Jabulani!!

Part 1: The Wedding

Part2: The Wedding: Card Distribution

After the card distribution, it was the business end of the marriage!

26th May was the day when we shifted to Narsingh Sevasadam where all pre-marriage functions were supposed to take place and where all guests were to stay for next 3days!

Day 1

On 26th, my parents woke me early (another day's morning sleep sacrifised!) as we were supposed to reach narsingh sevasedan at around 9AM and that too with full preparation. The preparation includes a long list of items from toothpaste, shampoo, soap for each room set to supply of food grains, fruits, sweets for next 3-4days, from a wiper to a press, from mobile phone chargers to stereo system and from anything to everything! Luckily I only have to pack my own bag and for that too mom was there to help me.

My first task of the day was acting as coolie, loading-unloading all the materials from home to sevadan. While my home is at 3rd floor, our stay for the marriage was on 2nd floor!

We reached there on time and slowly other family member also started to arrive. But on Day 1, there were only close family members. For lunch there was buffet system with "self" service. But unfortunately here self is referred to as "bride's brother". Hence my second task was that of waiter and seriously it was the most difficult task. "Chappati lenge?", "paani, abhi laya!", " haan, papad abhi aa rhe hai", "arre baitho! main laata hun", "kuch aur lenge?" And then you have to interact with cooks. "bhaiya chapaatiyaan jaldi laao!", " 2 plate dena", "bhaiya glasses kaha hai?", "bas karo bhaiya, abhi aur nhi chahiye chapati". In short, you have to take care of both demand and supply!

There was also this babysitting task. But actually it was real fun. Playing with all my bhanjas, bhanjees, bhatijas and bhatijees. But after a while when their demand starts to grow, you have to leave them to the expert ie thier respective moms.

Of course, in all between this you have to continue acting as a peon also-bringing one thing from one place to another, fulfilling everybody's demand and all such stuffs. Thankfully, I wasn't assigned the cleaning job.

At around 8PM I discovered the most astonishing thing. For thousands of years scientist were trying to find a formula, but couldn't. But that thing was achieved in front of my eyes at 8PM. At 8PM, more than 10 women were sitting together QUIETLY! yes you read it right! quietly! And for such an achievement the whole credit goes to.... BALIKA VADHU. (They must get a nobel PEACE prize for this!)

After a 30minutes silence, it was all back to normality. For dinner again I was turned into waiter. And then followed by the dinner there was some random dance program (known as raat-jaagi). This time my job was that of (no, not of a dancer, even sunny deol dances better than me) photographer. But this 'technology' again showed why it is the most unreliable thing in this world. I had a battery and also a back up battery for my digicam, but neither worked. I had to content with my not-so-good mobile camera. And then there was this music system which was not properly playing the mp3s and people had to rely mainly on their vocals.

By the end of the day, there was hardly any part of my body which was not paining. My shoulders, my back, my legs, my hands.. they were all having a headache.

Day 2

There is no better place to sleep than at you home, so even the sleep was not that refreshing. Though I still woke up at around 9:30 and got ready till 11 and by that time breakfast was almost done. During lunch there were some waiters to assist me (a big big big sigh of relief!). So from waiter, I was promoted to manager-cum-waiter and I could accompany most of my task just my issuing orders.

The post lunch was a lean period where I could have some rest. But as I mentioned in my earlier post, the world can't bear the bride's brother relaxing! This time it was my second sister. She sent me to arrange a cake for my bua whose birthday was incidentally on that day. The best part- as I reached the shop, she called me to not to bring the cake as bua's daughters most probably would themselves be bringing the cake. Couldn't you have thought of it earlier??!! So I returned empty handed.

In between all these, the marriage functions were going as schedule and so was my photography job (the digicam was finally working!). In the evening we all celebrated bua's birthday with fufaji bringing everyone alive with his dance.

At 8PM again there was 30minutes silence. And then my job of manager-cum-waiter. Though the day was relatively peaceful in comparison with day1, but still it was enough to give you pains.

The wedding day

Again I woke up late and thanks to my unpressed jeans, I further got delayed in dressing up. There were some marriage programs in the morning, but after that there was no other work till the marriage in the evening. The day, unexpectedly, went quite peaceful. During the afternoon all I was watching this India-Zimbabwe match which India lost (Had I not been busy in marriage, you could bet there would have surely been a post on it!).

In the evening, we all got ready (there is an interesting story about my wedding dress, but I think its already too long, so lets just skip it!). The 40minutes journey to the wedding ground was also quite remember-able. With my two buas and my elder tiaji, I was squeezed in one corner on the car. I had no option but to listen to talks of my buas and elder taiji in which (with due respect to all my elders) snowfall is considered as the most evilish thing on the earth, chaand-taare is meant to be astronomy and air travel is the bravest thing to achieve in the world.

At around 8PM, I reached the wedding ground. <to be continued>

If you are still interested, The fourth and the final part of The Wedding would be coming soon!

Click here to read Part I of the Wedding Series

no gals I am still available, it was my sis marriage.

28th May, 2010 was the day decided by the God to grant me full independence. It was the day of my sister's marriage. But the freedom didn't come so easy. I was made to work really hard to earn it. Only a brother can understand of all sorts of things that he has to go through in his sister marriage!

In India, marriage ceremony in not a one-day affair, but a complete test match. You have functions like godh, tikka,raatjaagi, sangeet, baan, haldad, varmaala, phere, pagphera and dont know what else. I don't know the exact purpose of all such functions but they surely allow one to spend time with his/her family. (Note herein family is referred to all the ascendant and descendant of your mother and father and their respective family)

12th May was the day when my exams got over. It was also the day when the shield which was preventing me from all sorts of marriage related work got lifted and I became an open target.

On 15th was the godh-tikka ceremony. Godh-tikka is the ceremony where first all the elder gents gather around the bridegroom and takes him into their custody, followed by all the ladies taking taking bride in custody. After they are let free, everyone exchanges with everyone else  something in a sealed envelope. The most amazing part is everyone denies to accept the envelop as if it contains a bomb, but after being satisfied that it has nothing harmful in it, everyone accept it.

Thankfully this function was from boy's side. So I had no major work to do. But how can the world tolerate that bride's brother has no work to do? So the designer made a blunder and stitched the wrong dress for me. It was 13th and the function was on 15th morning. But thankfully he had an exhibition piece which he altered and made it ready. But in all this hush-bush I wasn't even able to enjoy the exam-ending-outing with my friends.

The function was the usual one with bride's brother asking everyone if they need anything, have they eaten the snacks, have they taken the lunch.. cmon, they all are grown up, I don't need to babysit them! And then you have to prove everyone that your back in made up of rubber by bending and touching the feet of every elder. And how can I forget those precisely cloned questions from every second person, "Oh my God! You have grown so tall! (As if I had any other choice). What is your height? (Are you gonna use me as an inch tape?) What do you do? (Oh! I am a murderer.) How were you exams? (No comments, please!)

You see everyone having lunch but being the co-host, you are not allowed to have any. Its only at the end when everyone from the boy's side have eaten up and waiters are about to throw the remainder in the sewage that you get something to eat. And then after some more back exercise, you say goodbye to boy's family and take the first breathe of the day.

Click here to read Part 2 of the series Wedding.

2.30AM

I had just gone for sleep. Suddenly, my phone rang. I picked it up. "Hello, Sarthak. We are in great trouble, need your help urgently."

Few hours earlier.

My friend, Manhar's family were out of station and he was all alone at home. He was just killing time, trying to study for his semester exams. There entered the Bhutani (another of my friend), to accompany Manhar in his loneliness. They spend some time together and then Manhar committed the first mistake of the night. He asked Bhutani to stay at his place for the night. And this was just the beginning of things to follow.

11:00PM

Bhutani felt the need of some food to feed his ever-growing stomach. Manhar's stomach was also growling. With Bhutani's bike standing downstairs, they locked the house and moved out. This was apparently their second mistake of the night, but they will realize it only after their return.

01:00AM

After satisfying their appetite, Bhutani and Manhar came back. A big surprise was waiting for them. On the door, they realized that THEY HAVE LOST THE KEY OF THE HOUSE! And without it they can't enter in the house.

So, there they were standing helplessly outside their house, glaring each other's face at 1AM in the night, with hearts in their mouth. "Where could the keys have gone???", they were wondering. But the more important question was, "What to do now?!!"

Frantically, they decided to get back to the road and try to search for the keys. And yes, that was their third mistake of the night. Searching for a small key on a road was never a wise decision, but they didn't realize it could be that worse.

At a speed of around 10km, thrice they went to and fro on the 4km stretch hoping for their luck to shine but that wasn't going to be the case that night.  In-fact, in the middle of their third try, BIKE's GEAR CHAIN BROKE OFF.

Now not only they were without shelter, but without transport also. Plus they had to carry the bike also. Luckily, Manhar and Bhutani had their communication devices!

2:30AM

I had just gone for sleep. Suddenly, my phone rang. I picked it up. "Hello, Sarthak. We are in great trouble, need your help urgently." I got a bit worried. But then they explained me everything and I, being their true friend, would have loved to see them spending night on footpath, but then the class 3rd quote of 'A friend in need is a friend in deed' struck my mind and I invited them to my place.

I woke up and informed my mother and made arrangements for their stay.

3:00AM

Pushing their bikes for about a km, they reached my place at around 3am. Manhar and Bhutani were visibly startle of what has happened with them. The thought of lost keys, stranded bike and, most importantly, of their parents reaction were still giving them jitters. But for the next half an hour or so, the three of us were only LAUGHING!

At around 3:30AM we three went to sleep and the tragic night ends.

The upcoming morning

While I was still sleeping, Manhar and Bhutani woke up and left my home at around 7AM. They tried to find out any locksmith but none was available so early in the market. They went to the market for breakfast, but shops were still closed. So they randomly decided to enter the jogger's park and complete the 1km lap (I am glad they still had so much energy left with them). After completing the lap, they laid themselves on the grass for next half an hour.

After which they moved on and took the number of a locksmith and called him. He promised to reach the house in 15mins, but after repeated calls reached there in 1.5hrs. The neighbors offered them some lunch and in the meanwhile the locksmith completed his work. They could enter their home once again!

After the night, Manhar has decided not to repeat the mistakes again and to keep a distance from Bhutani. While Bhutani, he is still busy in getting his bike repaired!

Also read: One day @ Examination Centre

(@My friends: You keep on doing such incidents and I will keep writing blog on them.)

Do comment. Thanks.

Despite loosing all their three super 8 matches, for me India is still the T20 champ. Actually every player had some "genuine" reasons for not being able to perform. I have listed the problems of some of them below:

Virender Sehwag: Unfortunately he got injured. A ball hit his head and two of his hairs were damaged. So he has to leave west indies for hair transplant.

Gautum Gambhir: Gauti-veera bhai bhai. He couldn't have betrayed veeru by performing in his absence. That's called real love..err.rr..friendship.

Yuvraj Singh: haven't u seen his stomach? He is pregnant, dude!

Suresh Raina: His contract has clear mention: "No Short Balls". It's not his fault if bowlers breached the contract.

Yusuf Pathan: He himself doesn't know why is he in the team.

Rohit Sharma: He didn't want to get away from the title, "POTENTIALLY a great batsman" by exploiting his potential.

MSD: He didn't want mumbaikars to again face the traffic jams as they had to after 2007 win. (He is so caring!)

Praveen Kumar: Bappi da was again donating one of his chain. So he had to go there to collect it. (He already has 7 of his chains!)

Harbhajan Singh: Revenge! from MSD for the IPL final.

Zaheer Khan: Actually he was in a big dilemma about what to wear at the nigh party. Now tell me whats more important, cricket or party?? of course party na!

Ravinder Jadega: undoubtedly the man of the tournament. BCCI threw him out of the IPL, and he single-handedly had the team India being thrown out from T20 tournament.

Piyush Chawla: He wanted the selectors to know, what the whole world already knows, that Ojha and Mishra are far than him. Thats why he deliberately bowled bad, so that selectors don't repeat their mistake.

Dinesh Karthik: He was still wondering what his call to Murli Karthik has to do movie with the movie,  Karthik calling Karthik.

Ashish Nehra: Look at his face! First give him some food and then ask him to play. You can't play a malnutrition person in the team.

Murli Vijay: He was still praying for yellow jersey to hargeez wins, not realizing its blue! All his prayers went waste!

Vinay Kumar: Ya, a player of such name was there in the team and even played a match !

Umesh Yadav: He went there, enjoyed the parties and came back. He wasn't even bothered to carry drinks, coz none of the batsman stayed that long on the crease.

And the biggest reason of their failure: Cheerleaders were not hot!

Do comment. You may also give your own reasons for T20 defeat.

The Seven Deadly Sins is a classification of the most objectionable vices as per the Christianity (and also as per Roadies!). These are wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust,envy, and gluttony.

Sin 1.WRATH (Anger)
Using cuss words when thrown out of the class without given the attendance.

Sin 2. ENVY (Jealously)
There was this dialog in 3idiots "jab dost fail hota hai to dukh hota hai, magar agar woh top kare to zyaada dukh hota hai" (you feel bad when your friend fails, but it really hurts when he/she tops)

Sin 3. PRIDE (self love)
Behaving like a dictator because only you have the car in the whole group!

Sin 4. GLUTTONY (over-consumption of food)
Eating twice-thrice your capacity because it your friend's bday treat!

Sin 5. SLOTH (not utilizing one's talent)
Probably the biggest sin. Not showing your answer in the exam.

Sin 6. LUST (desires of a sexual nature)
Trying over your best friend's girlfriend!

Sin 7. GREED (excessive desire)
Fighting/pleading/blackmailing teacher for extra attendance/marks.

(Commenting on this blog doesn't count for a sin, so do comment. More sin lists coming soon)