Wat will u do if u want to know about the population of Galesburb, Illinois? or about calories in 2gm of sugar? or about the date of birth of albert einstein?
Wolfram|Alpha: It's a 'Knowlegde' Engine
Sarthak's Guide to Suicide
Bored of same old methods of hanging yourself from fan (not the table fan!), or jumping from the rooftop, or taking sleeping pills or cutting your nerves??? Let's try something new, something different, some innovative methods of COMMITTING SUICIDE.
So here I present to you all My All New Book GUIDE TO SUICIDE
Not only this. Especially for my blog readers, who love me so much (?!?!), I am also presenting here 10 methods of suicide from this book. (but for Katrina's wallpapers u will have to buy the book!)
So here goes the TOP 10 INNOVATIVE METHOD OF COMMITTING SUICIDE:-
1) FLUSH YOUR MIND: Put your head in toilet seat at an angle of 73° and flush it!
2) CAR ACCIDENT: Run, run and run hard, and crash yourself in a parked car (not movig car, as it may apply breaks or change it's direction)
3) BABA RAMDEV STYLE: While watching Baba Ramdev's CD, as soon as he says breathe out, PAUSE IT!
4)WATCH THEM: (recommended only for professional suiciders) Get yourself DVDs of Drona, Ramu ki Aag and Tashan.
5)USE YOUR HANDS:(easiest one!) You have two hands and a neck. Suffocate yourself!
6)CRACK A JOKE: Crack a joke in front of Katrina Kaif. She has a killer smile!
7) BE A SPULRGE: Buy expensive articles because health is wealth. No wealth= no health= no life.
8) THE OVERWEIGHT EFFECT:(only for guys!) Inform your gf, ' You have become overweight!'
9) NUCLEAR BLAST: Buy a nuclear bomb from Obama. Keep it with you and press the trigger (Not to be used if u live in or near Delhi)
10) OBVIOUSLY: Buy my book. 15days money back! 100% results guaranteed!! Price: Your one smile :-)
P.S.: All the methods and practices described here have not even been performed by experts suiciders. So dont try to attempt or duplicate them in any form
Now also available: Sarthak's Guide to Suicide Season 2
‘Incomplete’ Daredevils!!
Read it considering that there is no cricketer named Adam Glichrist existing in the world.
" Dare to Dare the Daredevils??
THE ONLY THING BETTER THAN A DAREDEVIL IS A TEAM OF DAREDEVILS!!
The most destructive opening pair in the world, Sehwag and Gambhir, not firing!
World's Most Accurate bowler of all time, Legendary Glenn McGrath warming the benches!
Arguably the best spinner of T20 cricket, Daniel Vettori, not getting enough games!
And still you have DelhiDaredevils topping the points table of Indian Premiere League!!
DD boosts to be the most balanced team of the tournamnet. Cricinfo had dubbed it the favourites even before the tournament began. And till now they have lived upto the expectations and for that credit goes to each and every member of the team!
In batting, it has been the D's show: Dilshan, deVilliers, Dinesh Karthik, David Warner!
deVilliers who averaged only 19 in IPL08 has been the only centurian of this season and is top on the highest average table this year, making the most of home turfs
Dilshan averaged worst than AB, only 17, in O8 IPL but has been the back of Delhi's batting order
Dinesh Karthik also had a forgotful IPL previous year and has also been drpped from India's T20 WC squad but through his crucial innings in the slog overs he has proved his exclusion wrong
David Warner, the rising star of deciling Australian side, has made the most of ........"
Unfortunately, the quest for DLF IPL Trophy remains incomplete and so does the post ( gilly!! :-x)
Hopefully next year, the post wud be complete!!
My 12th Board Result on 22nd May!!
Everyone from Sonia Gandhi to Sachin Tendulkar to me are suffering from RESULT-olysis!! Be it the election result or IPL results or board results!!!
MY 12th BOARD RESULTS ARE ON 22nd MAY!!
(So if u dont get any post after 22nd then dont b surprized)
At this moment I dont want to speculate. I dont kno weather my "Nervousness v/s Excitement" theory is going to stand here. The result is still 36hrs away, so 'that' feeling hasn't yet taken me over. But i know it will!!
At present my condition is like that of the man standing behind a horse with his mouth wide open, awaiting the horse to crap but the crap not to fall over him!!
Just wish me luck for my result!!
bbye
SITUATION VACANT
In this period of recession, there can't b any more attractive title then SITUATION VACANT.
Wanted a qualified, experienced Accounts teacher for June 09 CPT for 12th appeared student who also writes blog Interested Contact Immediately: Sarthak Goyal, Email goenkasarthak@gmail.com
I never knew that finding a teacher would have been a knife walk. My CA-CPT exam is on 28th June( exam again!!) and I havn't yet commenced my preparation seriously (so obvious of me!). I am in deep search of an Accounts teacher. But till now my search has been futile (I wish why google search engine exist only in virtual world!)
First I went to coaching institutes like NGPA and AOC and their reactions were like "WHAT!! u hav't started ur preparation till now!! Our students are already half way under through!" (If u dont hav solution, then atleast dont add upto student's anxiety!! :x)
Next I contacted my frndz, one of them gave me phone number. I called. I attended trial class. Teacher was not good, but neither was he bad. I was a happy camper. But then he announced his fees: Rs.18,000 only! I bargained (bargaining in education!!) and his next offering was Rs.3000!! A dip directly from 18000 to 3000!! (such a huge fluctation in accounts of an Accounts teacher!!) I didnt want a similar dip in my peformance, so I was back to square one!
Now tomorrow I am going to another institute, which is also my last hope! So just wish me luck!! Wish me that I am able to find out a good accounts teacher!!
BBye!
Dont forget about the above advertisement!!
And Kolkatta Wins… No they don’t!!
21 Required from 6 balls! You will blindly put your money on bowling team. But not if that team is Kolkatta Knightriders. For some winning is a habit, but for KKR itz loosing which is a habit.
If u havnt seen the match or is tired of watching of seeing Kolkatta loosing. Then for a change, read them loosing (Courtesy: http://www.cricinfo.com/)
19.1
Mashrafe Mortaza to Sharma, (no ball) FOUR, Rohit's taken four of those, full toss on middle, pulled away to the deep square-leg boundary, called a no-ball by the leg umpire as there are only three fielders in the ring.
19.1
Mashrafe Mortaza to Sharma, 1 leg bye
19.2
Mashrafe Mortaza to Venugopal Rao, 1 run
14 off 4
19.3
Mashrafe Mortaza to Sharma, SIX, meaty, juicy full toss on middle, the worst ball you can bowl under the circumstances. 8 off 3 now, 115 metres that, one of the biggest of the tournament.
19.4
Mashrafe Mortaza to Sharma, 1 wide, wide, Mashrafe, what the hell are you doing?
19.4
Mashrafe Mortaza to Sharma, 2 runs
5 off 2
19.5
Mashrafe Mortaza to Sharma, FOUR, four, four, four, Mashrafe has spoilt it for Kolkata
1 needed off the last ball. Scores level. Can Kolkata salvage a super over here?
19.6
Mashrafe Mortaza to Sharma, SIX, it's all over, short on middle, pulls it away well over the fine-leg boundary to seal a thrilling victory, can Kolkata ever win?
Poor McCullum!! I really feel pity for him!!
Dear Manmohan Paaji
Finally, the result of IPL happening in India is out and the so called weakest PM of India is making a comeback. I personally dont like politicians, but loves politics!! (itz more interesting than roadies or splitsvilla!) Now not only India but the whole world is expecting a lot from this 'unhandicapped' congress government. And i m no different from the world. So here is my WISHLIST from Manmohan Paaji:-
1) Plz make India a safer place to bring IPL back in India.
2) Rs.25 is the new price of McAloo Tikki (hike of Rs.5!). If u cant bring prices down then atleast provide us some Student Conscessions, especially at food outlets.
3)Plz revive our economy from global meltdown. It has adversely affected my pocket money.
4) Realty sector is in a great need of a bailout package. We surely deserves more of Emporium and Select City Malls
5) Your party congress greatly support reservation. Cant it also happen in politics for youth?
6) Can u be the coach of Indian Cricket Team and teach them how to win Second time in a row?
7) Plz resolve the dispute between Multiplex and Producers at earliest. IPL is ending on 24th!
8) Now since the elections are over, so can u plz forbid playing of Congress' plariarised version of JAI HO.
9) Why the government waste so much of money on Elections! Better have SMS Polling like in case of reality shows.
10) Last and my most important request: PLZ PROVIDE STUDENTS WITH VETO POWER TO GIVE MARKS TO THEMSELVES IN EXAMS.
NOTE: A copy of this Wishlist has also been sent to Madam Sonia Gandhi.
If u want, you can also add your own wishes! Neither of them is going to be fulfilled!!
bbye! Jai Ho!
I can see the future
This is year 2012 and these are the affairs making headlines:
1) Following the huge success of Sarthak’s blog, google has decided that along with British and American English, they are goin 2 provide the language option for “English (Sarthak)”
2) The sales of computer have rocketed to record 5times higher than previous year as more and more people want to get a slice of Sarthak’s Blog.
3) MNS Leader Raj Thakrey has attacked Cyber CafĂ©’s for promoting the blog of a North Indian. Meanwhile, Congress has demanded 50% screen space reservation for backward classes on Sarthak’s blog
4) Following the threats of pigeons shitting on player’s jersey, IPL Commissioner Lalit Modi has decided to relocate IPL 5 in virtual zone on Sarthak’s blog
5) Heavy traffic on Sarthak’s blog contrived google to shut down their server third time in a week. BSP supreme Mayawati has pointed the finger on BJP for this tragedy.
6) Menaka Gandhi has accused Sarthak’s blog for not giving any weight to her son Varun Gandhi’s speech and therby being cruel to animals.
7) Mexican Government has persuaded her citizens not to visit Sarthak’s blog due to threats of Swine Flu
8) 20million parents protested around the world charging sarthak’s blog for poor results of their children. Later on, it was found that all 20million parents also had their accounts on Sarthak’s blog
9) Rumors have been that Sarthak Goyal has refused the Warner Brother’s Offer to convert his blog into a movie.
10) US President Barack Obama has promised for a CHANGE of background colour on Sarthak’s blog
BREAKING NEWS!!! BREAKING NEWS!!!
Sarthak has just made a spelling error in his latetst post. I repeat Sarthak has just made a spelling error in his latest post!!!
For more details on it, we have with us, one of the first persons to comment on Sarthak’s blog, Mr/Ms…..
(Comment now!! This can be your name!!)
bbye
Nervousness v/s Excitement
This world has two sets of people. One who gets NERVOUS facing the challenges and others who do not. And you know what; second set is an empty set. There is no person in the world prone to nervousness. Then what about your friend or batch mate who is always so cheerful? The answer is simple. He/She has given a new name to his nervousness i.e. EXCITEMENT.
Both nervousness and excitement are similar feelings of anxiousness arising because of uncertainty about future events
Take a situation. Exams!! Suppose if u already know about your exam results, will u b nervous or excited about xamz?? Neither of them!!
These two feelings are like looking at a thing from two different angles of 0° and 360°. Both these angles are same. It only depends on the way that how you perceive it.
So next time don’t speak, “I AM NERVOUS.” but, “I AM EXCITED.” You yourself will feel the change!!
Bbye
Plz do comment. I am really excited to hear your thoughts.
Finally curtains r down!
Woot a match it was!! Ross Taylor outperformed his kiwi counterpart McCullum (84*) to guide RCB 2 a thrilling victory. He scored 81 in just 33 balls (u must watch it!!). I just feel pity for McCullum. He was almost in tears at the presentation ceremony.
Now coming back 2 my English Class. It was a super day! We (actually only galz, but we guyz did contribute) brought a cake for Lin, our teacher and also a gift- a cup with (almost) everybdy's pic, that v clicked the other day, on it and " You are the best Teacher ever Lin" written over it. And she was so so delighted. Actually she deserves it. Which teacher is gonna ask u 2 say "sex" instead of 'cheese' while being clicked? Jokes apart, she was not only a teacher, but a coach, she motivated us, helped us 2 built a self confidence and was one of us.
I got an EXCELLENT in the certificate.. yipeeee!!!!(on flipside, most of us got an excellent). I think wat made the course so special in our batch. Ther was a retired navy engineer, a dentist, a politician, a teacher, But most of us were 12th passouts. So we knew how 2 celebrate Farewell. We had so much fun, every1 posing 4 photographs. We( actually only 7) went 2 McD (i wonder is this the only place 2 hangout wid frndz). To sum up i wud like 2 quote the Himanshu bhaiya's quote "I felt 15years younger with them."
And ya a special mention 2 my class-cum-metro-mates Aman and Malvika. Thnx 4 the lovely time that v 3 had in the metro. And also Himanshu bhaiya, u r truely a principle 4 me. Actually thnx 2 every1- Tarang, Karan, Aaakash, Jai, Shiva, Saloni, Akshit, Chandan, Shekhar, Parul, Meenu, Ankit and Pulkit
Now m just looking forward 2 remain in touch with all of them
Bbye
Keep Reading!! Keep Commenting!!
Related Posting:
End is Coming!
The End is Coming
No m nt leaving blogging. Today is my Last Class of Spoken English Skill at British Council in CP (dont underestimate the course through my English, it is actually a superb course). Course duration was of a month only, but it has helped me a lot in boosting up my confidence (no, m nt confident nouf 2 challenge Obama in english speaking!). Apart frm that, it was also a fun-filled xperience. It was like a trailor of college.. hey m getting late 4 the class!! i dont want 2 miss the last class!! More on it soon!
bbye
Keep reading, Keep Commenting!!
Related Posting:
Finally curtains are down
Wat 2 and wat nt 2 xpect from here
Fst review on my fst post is yet 2 cum (it might just cum as i m writing this). But i kno how itz goin 2 b. But even tendulkar scored a DUCK on his debut ;)
I myself felt that i shud make a lil bit clear that wat u can and wat u shudnt xpect here!
Fst of all xpect a lot of cricket (evident frm live score and IPL standing widgets). Frm time 2 time u will also hav 2 bear wid my Philosophies of life (i hav many!!). Along wid them ther r goin 2 b posts on politics, TV, bollywood... and many oder things. And of course, u will cum 2 kno more about me, my life, my likes-dislikes. And ther r also goin 2 b Guest Posts by my frndz.
And wat not 2 xpect? Actually even i dont hav any answer. At time u will find me quite serious on sum topics, u may also get sum useful as well as sum interesting info. But most of the times, the posts will reflect my laid-back attitude towards life
In the end, in case if sum1 is actually reading all my stuffs, then plzz comment. Appreciate me (ha ha..), suggest me, curse me, but plz COMMENT
Hey, fst review is out!!! and itz nt a duck (shit, i missed frm being a sachin).
Thnx a lot Sonal!!
My First Encounter
Even before I began, this BLOGGING forced me to add an extra K to my name. Thanks to some other sarthak who has already taken up this domain (and you thought my numerologist told me!!)
BTW I think I shud introduce myself (I really hate this part!! :x). My (new) name is sarthakk Goyal, has given my 12th board examz, commerce stream and is xpecting a good result (yes, m of that studious-wagon) and this is my fst stint wid Blogging.. more u will gradually cum 2 kno. Why to spill all the beans at one go?
Here u will find nothing special (which in itself is quite special, ryt? no!!) and I think I forgot 2 mention that apart from free MBs and Time, u will also hav 2 burn ur brains!! (but u can afford it, human beings r most intellingent creatures on this world!)
I think my fst post already has all ingredients 2 b the last also. So y to add more spice!!
bbye
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- Wolfram|Alpha: It's a 'Knowlegde' Engine
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- My 12th Board Result on 22nd May!!
- SITUATION VACANT
- And Kolkatta Wins… No they don’t!!
- Dear Manmohan Paaji
- I can see the future
- Nervousness v/s Excitement
- Finally curtains r down!
- The End is Coming
- Wat 2 and wat nt 2 xpect from here
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